Don't call it a comeback, I been lame for years......

Readers,

Readers?

Ok....I know.  It is has been a long, long time.  I have a story that I would like to share.  This story is in no way a sneaky method to bring you back.  In fact, this story is a sneaky way for me to get back.  I need to get back.  And before you roll your eyes and assume I'm back because I'm in pain, I'm not! Ooooh if you don't know, you gon'learn today.  I'm so good, that I can write, I can come back.  Dearest Readers, I have a story.  I am not an accomplished storyteller and as I want to come off like one, I am pretty sure that this, like anything other that comes from me, will sound like me.

A long, long time ago (though not so long to be an actual fairytale) a girl found a seed.  It was a pretty decent seed.  This girl, she was not a gardener, rather, she'd been around the garden a bit.  She figured that by now, she would know the garden.  She was wrong.

Anyway, she found this pretty decent seed.  She saw something in the seed that inspired her.  Perhaps the seed caused her to see something in herself.  It depends on your perspective.  She found this seed, or quite possibly the seed found her...again, perspective.  She loved this seed.  She loved it and it grew, or maybe they grew.  She loved this seed so much, that she lost sight of some of the other pretty things in her garden.  Some of those pretties started to change.  The change was right in front of her!  Seriously, right there.  However, she was so taken by this seed, now a Pretty, (I've decided to call plants in this story "Pretties", author's rights, you know) that she lost sight of the pretties that had always been there.  If you know anything about gardening, and I don't, not really, you know that a garden requires love.  You must understand, she did not mean to give her very all to her Pretty, especially at the expense of all the other pretties.  It happens though.  It happens because it is real life.  Which this story is not, or maybe..well...perspective.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So while she and her Pretty were deeply, madly, inworldly and outworldly (Readers, please don't forget my love of author's rights) her other pretties were curling up and not in a cutesy way more like in a HELLLLLLOOOO CAN WE GET A LITTLE OF THAT GOOD STUFF OVER HERE? NO? UM, OOOOOOKKKKKAAAAAY.  You know what I forgot to mention? I'm going to list it so you don't get too confused.

1. A girl found a seed, a pretty decent seed.
2. She gave the seed her all and it developed into a Pretty.
3. Pretties that were already there started to curl up in the most unfortunate ways.

New Development: 4. Not ALL of the pretties curled up, some grew, some grew beautifully, quite possibly in the same spirit as the girl and her pretty decent seed.

Do you follow?  Good. Every story has a climax or a catalyst.  In this case, let's use catalyst.  This is not porn and as much as I know what climax means, I can't help but think porn.  It's not you, it's me.

You must be waiting for the catalyst.  One day something changed.  Something changed and it started to slowing change the girl and her pretty decent Pretty.  I don't really know what it was, the weather, perhaps?  Something changed.  To be fair, The Universe changed.  Not the entire Universe, just the bit around the girl and her pretty decent Pretty.  Oh the girl was upset.  Actually, she denied what was going on, she tried to be blind to what was happening right in front of her.  I mean, I told you that some of the other pretties were curling up in the most unfortunate ways.  You would think she would see the Change for what it was, a change.  Oh no, not this girl.  She was doing so good.  She SAW what was pretty decent in the seed and it was because of HER that this seed was such a Pretty.  It was because of HER that this Pretty nurtured other pretties!! I'm starting to think that this girl was a little boastful.  Oh she swore against everything around her.  Everything was wrong.  Everything!! She was hurt and angry and frustrated and hurt and angry some more.

As she lost her pretty decent Pretty to the Change, she looked back toward the other pretties and sought out comfort.  The poor neglected curled pretties could not help her too much.  After all, they were curled up in the most unfortunate of ways.  The other pretties (the ones that grew beautifully) were supportive.  The girl felt like perhaps she could go on.  No where near as happy as she'd been, she'd given up any hope of being as happy as she'd been.  What a drama queen...

Time went on and the pretty decent Pretty went off with the Change.  They settled somewhere else, but still just near enough.  I mean...the garden is only but so big.  Time passed and the girl took turns blaming everything for her loss.  She had moments when she was Over It and it felt good.  HA! She was fine and then oh not so fine at all.

Remember the curled pretties, the ones that curled in the most unfortunate of ways?  They were doing better.  I mean, they had a long way to go, but sometime during the girl's hurt and angry and frustrated and hurt and angry some more, her eyes opened to the curled pretties and they started to straighten up, slowing.

One day the girl started to notice that the other pretties, remember the ones that grew...? Well they were still around, but since at one point every pretty and the girl grew together, there was still pretties in common.  The girl realized that she was sickened by some of the pretties.  She was angry because despite all that SHE had gone though, they were still growing and being nurtured by the pretty decent Pretty and the Change.  This girl, I don't know Dear Readers, I might be a little turned off by her.  Anyway...so she was so wrapped up in her concerns, that she started to look away from the pretties.  Here is another list, they are so handy:

1. A girl found a seed, a pretty decent seed.
2. She gave the seed her all and it developed into a Pretty.
3. Pretties that were already there started to curl up in the most unfortunate ways.
4. Not ALL of the pretties curled up, some grew, some grew beautifully, quite possibly in the same spirit as the girl and her pretty decent seed.
5. A Change came and the pretty decent Pretty went off with it.
6. The girl became very hurt and angry and frustrated and hurt and angry some more.
7. The girl's eyes opened to the curled pretties and they started to straighten up.
8. The other pretties (the ones that grew beautifully) were still in common.
9. The girl became sickened by the other pretties.
New Development: 10. Things started to Change between the girl and the pretties. Not The Change, just another Change.

Dear Readers, the girl slowly but surely started to neglect the other pretties.  What a pattern!  She didn't know how to feel about it. She was not sure if it were the right thing or the wrong thing.  She grew tired of lamenting the pretty decent Pretty and she was sure, positive even, that the other pretties (in common and otherwise) were just as tired.

Oh Universe...You always know what's best.

One day, the girl was completing some mundane task, say washing dishes after a holiday....and she had an epiphany.  READERS, I did not spell check that, I am hoping it is the word that I mean it to be, otherwise, author's rights.  The girl had an epiphany.  She thought about the pretties and the relationships that she had with them...whatever was left after the Change.  She realized that all of the pretties were in common and it was their right.  However, it was also her right to decide which pretties she could now tolerate.  She decided that this all was more of a catalyst then she'd given it credit.  What started as a small hairline crack was now a huge chasm, like huge, like whoa.  She realized that some of the pretties were worth her concern and some were not.  Some of the pretties she could accept, and some she could not.  Some of the pretties, they were so necessary in her garden, that she was willing to overlook the commonesque of it all.  Some of the pretties were quite possibly lost to her forever, and she was willing to accept that. Some of the pretties would just remind the girl of things she'd rather had STAYED FORGOTTEN, but at no fault of maybe just slight fault of their own, the pretties would just grow as reminders.

Reminders of the pretty decent seed that she'd seen something it or that had seen something in her...depending on your perspective.  Reminders of when she became very hurt and angry and frustrated and hurt and angry some more.  Reminders of the pretties that started to curl in the most unfortunate ways.

Do you understand, because the girl just might...do you understand that this catalyst was so necessary?  The Change was so necessary.  The girl didn't realize that this was all part of her growth.  She was so wrapped in what she was doing, this wonderful thing that she was doing, that she missed so much.  She was so wrapped up in her anger that she almost missed more.

I can tell (because I'm so deep) that the girl has matured because she is not angry at the other pretties. She just does not want them near her.  Ok, that sounds angry.  Here is a better thought: She is acutely aware that her garden does not have to contain all the pretties.  She is acutely aware that if her garden is overrun with all type of pretties, some might begin to curl in the most unfortunate of ways, still others may twist and become weeds, choking the life out of the other pretties.  Ok, everything got quite morbid after the comma, but yeah.  Sometimes life is all twisty with weeds.  Weeds need recognition too.

I don't know what I need to add here.  I mean, this story, I can't tell if it is over.  Facets of it is definitely over.  The story could change, it could grow, it could even curl up in the most unfortunate of ways.

Dearest Readers, I think I've told you before, I don't know (specifically) when and if you read my blog. I know during the garbled confusing writing process, you are my light at the end.  I feel like I am talking to you.  Since I know you, I know when you are smiling, when you are rolling your eyes, when you want to disagree, when you want to agree...I know you and I appreciate you.  You usually know the end of my story before I do, I don't know how you do, you just do.  I don't even remember how I used to sign off.

Hell, I had to go through all types of verification codes and mayhem to even blog today.

Thank you, thank you yesterday, today and hopefully tomorrow,

Christine (completely, utterly me, truly me)